Ash : My Head Shaving Story

 

When I was a teenager there was a moment the urge to shave my head got so strong, I got some scissors and cut my fringe off. I pretended to my parents it was an accident so I could go to the barber. 

“How long is a number zero,” I asked the barber.

“Nothing, no hair,” he said.

That was what I wanted. But I ended up with a no.2 I think he was worried about my parents coming in there asking why he’d shaved all their son’s hair off. Still the buzzcut was exciting to me.

Most of my childhood I had short haircuts. I wanted long hair like Tommy from “3^rd Rock from the sun” or like Hanson, hair that expressed the feminine boy that I was, but I didn’t feel I could say that. My brain seems to have turned this mild trauma into the thing that most turns me on

The first time I ever came, I went to the same barber and got a number zero on the back and sides. As soon as I got home, I got my dick out and ejaculated without even wanking. I was really shocked. I hadn’t realised that’s what masturbation was. I felt kind of dirty and exhilerated looking at the cum that had just shout out of my penis onto my bed.

I tried wanking over pictures of guys I thought were cute but it didn’t work. I had to look at head shave transformations on the internet to cum. I would go through this cycle of getting really obsessed with head-shaving, collecting lots of pictures, then deleting them all to try and stop myself.

I was turned on by clothing transformations too. There are photos of me when I was little, crying because I was put in a polo shirt. Now if I’m put in a polo shirt, I get an erection. I would go to clothes shops and get turned on by trying on clothes I would never normally wear.

At university, I got obsessed with this picture of a guy with short bleached hair. So obsessed, I couldn’t rest till I got that haircut. Then I wanked looking at the change in the mirror. 

In third year, I had brown emo hair. After trying to give myself a haircut one night I just started cutting it all off till it was really short. Then I went into the bathroom and put shaving foam on my head and shaved it without even using clippers. Having no hair felt so weird and different. I ended up wearing a hat for two months I didn’t have the confidence to go out looking so different from the way I normally do.

I regret wearing the hat. I wonder if keeping my head bald for a while would’ve helped me process something, helped me balance some internal conflict. I wonder if it would’ve given me a new confidence, in my appearance, or in spite of my appearance. Or was it just a sexual compulsion to do something that was against my androgynous nature.

I had emo hair for the next few years which I bleached. It made me feel cute and twinky. Then I moved to Germany and started messaging guys on fetish websites who were into head shaving. I almost met up with one, who wanted to tie me up and shave my head. Talking to them made me so obsessed I just ended up doing it myself. I buzzed it down shorter and shorter, filming the whole thing, in the end not using a guard. It looked good, but after I’d cum I didn’t feel like myself.

I felt this need for secrecy around my fetish, like talking about it would mean somebody could use it against me. Then I joined a group of gay hippies who had sharing circles. It was really empowering to finally talk about it and good to see it wasn’t that big of a deal to others. I’d never even told a boyfriend before. In my next relationship my boyfriend tied me up and cut my blonde hair off. We went to a barber and I got a cut from a picture he had chosen. I bought chav clothes and dressed up in them and had sex with him. It was a sexually liberating relationship. When it was over, I got my hair cut really short. It made me so horny that I accidentally had sex with my ex five times in one day while dressed as a chav! 

Last summer my current boyfriend buzzed all my blonde hair off with a number one. I was tied up on a chair in front of a mirror. Now I feel like we should've gone all the way, but he isn’t totally into bald guys. I started growing my hair back straight away, I had this feeling like I had betrayed my feminine side. It started a journey of talking to people, trying to understand my gender and my fetish.

My fetish associates shaved heads with masculinity. It feels submissive and exciting to be forced to be masculine when that is not really me. I was turned on by the transformation of dying my hair pink, a look I'm much more comfortable with. But having my head shaved bald is still my ultimate fantasy.

I’ve thought about starting a Gofundme when the self-isolation is over. When it gets to a certain amount, I’d film myself getting tied up and having my mid length hair shaved bald. I’d keep it razor shaved every day for at least a month and only wear sports clothes. I’d send videos and photos of the whole experience to the people who donated. I’ve started really admiring this shapeshifting quality in people who fetishize transformations. I want to document how it feels to do such an extreme transformation, see if it helps me overcome any inner demons, and see at the end of the month if I like it and want to stay bald.