Head Shave Interview : Abaddon

I was really interested to interview Abaddon as someone who also has a fairly popular social media account posting pictures of guys with shaved heads. His Instagram account is @heyiamabaddon.

Ash: When did you first start getting the urge to shave your head? 

Abaddon: At first, I just had the urge to get a buzzcut. I was probably 13-14 years old. However, it quickly became insufficient, and the urge to go shorter grew. I guess I was 17 years old when I realized that I desperately wanted to shave my head

Ash: I can't remember if I immediately wanted to go completely bald but, yeah, it quickly evolved into that. That's interesting that the urge is just for really short hair but that it quickly evolves into something more extreme. How did you feel about short hair as a kid, and do you have any ideas about what might've triggered your fetish?

Abaddon: When I was a kid, I had no freedom to get the haircut I wanted. Every time I had to get the haircut my parents wanted: short sides and a longer side-parted top. I remember watching a kid who had a bowlcut, or even my sister with her long hair, and I always thought, ‘why can't I get longer haircuts like those?’ But the moment I think really consolidated my haircut fetish was a traumatic haircut experience when I was 9-10 years old. My parents had just bought a pair of clippers, and my father wanted to test them. He decided I had to be his guinea pig, and the result was absolutely atrocious. He had to buzz it all off to a #4, which was way shorter than I had ever had before, and I really hated.

Ash: It's so interesting how the brain takes these traumatic events and re-wires them into a turn on. I'm not sure if that is a glitch or it's way of processing and dealing with disturbing early experiences.

Abaddon: Yeah, I'd have never expected I'd end up like this when when I was receiving that buzzcut. I just wanted to be in control of my own appearance. I guess the lack of control is what triggered the fetish in my case.

Ash: That's a really good way of putting it. I wonder how many people's fetishes come out of a situation where they don't have control. When did you first act on your urge to shave your head?

Abaddon: My first try-out happened when I was 17 years old, but it didn't end up so well. I chickened out after the first swipe, but I had gone too high, so I opted to get a mohawk. After that I decided it would be better to go right down the middle in my next try-out, but it wasn't easy to get enough courage! I remember I tried for years, holding the clippers right below my hairline, but I always chickened out until I gathered enough courage when I was 26. Sometimes I regret not doing it sooner, but I guess that was part of my journey.

Ash: How was it when you finally did it? Did you go all the way bald with a razor?

Abaddon: Yeah, I went all the way. The hard part was to be brave enough to get a no-guard buzz. Once it was done, shaving it all off with a razor didn't seem so hard to me. I even played a bit with my bald transformation that first time. I shaved half of my head and left the other half long. It was just for a few minutes, but it was really fun. But the aftermath wasn't as fun. When the excitement is over, you have to live with what you've done, and looking at your bald head for the first time can be really shocking. Whenever I wasn't excited, I felt I had made a big mistake and I was scared about what other people would say - I spent a lot of time wearing a hat.

Ash: Yeah, I kind of envy people who don't have that negative reaction after the excitement is over. How did people react? And did you keep it bald for a while?

Abaddon: The first time I kept my hat on until my hair grew back to a buzzcut level. The next times I did it the response was mixed to positive. The longest I've ever kept it has been 2 weeks, I think. I love being bald, but keeping it is something different. For me it's just another haircut, I love the bald transformation even more than being bald, but I need to grow back my hair for that.

Ash: That's a good point - when I haven't done it for ages, I lose sight of that it's more the transformation than just the haircut that I'm into. I started my Tumblr when I was bored and horny during the pandemic. I think sometimes that is a substitute for actually shaving my head. Do you get that?

Abaddon: Yeah, I also like to watch videos and read stories. It can be really helpful, but also it can be very tempting!

Ash: Yes, it can both pacify my fetish and make it more active. I feel like you're Instagram is more ethical than my Tumblr though. It seems like most of your pics are submitted. I find most of mine through reverse image searching on a Russian search engine!

Abaddon: Been there done that! I used to reblog any post I liked on Tumblr, and I never thought about where the pics came from. I wasn't the original poster after all, so the blame wasn't exactly mine. However, over the years I received a lot of messages from people asking me to delete their stolen pics. Every time it happened it deeply disturbed me, as I could understand how bad they felt. So, I decided I wouldn't share any pic or video if I wasn't sure where they came from. When I started my Instagram I just kept with the same philosophy

Ash: Have you ever had any problems on the insta? I noticed some of your earlier pics had a message saying to treat all the guys respectfully.

Abaddon: I receive submissions from hair fetishists and guys not into haircuts. They usually don't know a thing about our world, and a few hair fetishists sometimes go too far with their admiration. I've had to take a few measures to avoid that to happening again, like asking everybody to behave respectfully or to stop tagging people unless they claim otherwise. It's my page so it's my responsibility to make it a safe haven.

Ash:  One thing I worry about with my Tumblr is the fact I basically only have white guys on there. I feel lucky to be attracted to all races and ethnicities fairly equally. But the reason for that is, when I look at pictures of guys with shaved heads, I'm half imagining myself in their position - as a bald guy. That seems to work better if they’re the same race as me.

Abaddon: In my case it usually happens with Mediterranean or Middle Eastern guys, as they look more like me.

Ash: Do you ever post photos of yourself?

Abaddon: The official answer is always no, I think that those who submitted pics should be the main focus. But my real issue is that my social anxiety makes me very self-conscious. I've posted a few pics of some of my cuts on MSH, but I keep them hidden. Only those I trust can see them.

(After the interview Abaddon said he wanted me to include photos as he wanted to get outside of his comfort zone.)

Ash: I'd really like to share pictures of my transformation in future. I think there's an extra affirming element to sharing pictures with other people that are into shaved heads.

Abaddon: Yes, one thing I've learned about this fetish is that people love to show themselves after they’ve got a new haircut. My anxiety demands me to stay as far as possible from the crowd. But this fetish begs me to get attention. It's hard to reconcile both sides. I always feel I desperately need to find someone I can trust enough to share my fetish side. I enjoy it a lot whenever it happens. However, it’s extremely rare in this community. I guess that's the reason why I created my Instagram: it allows me to connect with other people, but in a more passive way.

Ash: I think it's probably quite hard to make meaningful connections in a lot of fetish communities, most people aren't in the sanest state of mind when they’re turned on.

Abaddon: What I find scary is that other people might find out that I shaved my head because I have a fetish. It's irrational, I know, but judgement and my privacy getting exposed are things that are hard for me to deal with thanks to my mental issues.

Ash: Yes, I totally understand that. I used to have that fear stronger than I have now. Then I discovered this fetish is actually fairly innocuous and quite a few of my friends know. But I really don't ever want to be having discussions about this with my family or work! I wish I didn't have to keep it quite so much on the down-low, because I'm very pro people accepting, dealing with, and understanding their fetishes better. Have you noticed any interactions between your fetish and your depression?

Abaddon: Yes, every time I enter a downward spiral, the urge to shave my head exponentially increases. And it doesn't fix anything. To be honest, it kind of ruins the experience: it makes me feel guilty and stupid. I need to use all my strength to stop myself. I don't want to shave my head out of sadness. Whenever I do it, I want it to be a great experience.

Ash: Yeah, it seems in those moments to me like shaving my head will magically make me feel amazing! I think fetish stuff can also be an easy way to feel something meaningful. What do you like most about your fetish?

Abaddon: The level of excitement it makes me feel. It's incredibly intense, and it makes me feel capable of everything.

Should I Act On My Fetish?

I have this thing I call a fetish spiral, a period of time where I become increasingly obsessed with my fetish. This usually happens when I'm bored or frustrated with life. I was having one when I started this blog at the beginning of the pandemic. I think it's a coping mechanism, an easy way of releasing dopamine from my brain, and a source of interest and meaning when those things are lacking. Unless I act on my fantasies of shaving my head or dressing like a chav they start to seem unrealistic and I lose interest. Or something else comes along that is more meaningful and engaging than. I've seen this same fetish spiral in other people who have these online fetish splurges. They set up a Tumblr where they post pictures of themselves with a shaved head, and then after a couple of months, delete everything and disappear.

I run a blog about my fetish so I'm definitely not a prude. But I am in a constant debate with myself on how much to integrate my fetish into my life. To what degree it's a positive thing, to what degree it's negative, and to what degree it's just neutral. Like any activity that releases dopamine, fetishes are addictive, so it's easy to lose control. Mine have caused me to shave my head when I really loved my hair and to buy a mountain of chav clothes I couldn't really afford. Though I've spoken to other people who said that acting on these same fetishes has had a positive effect on their confidence.

Deeply ingrained fetishes do seem to have a strong link to trauma and acting on them could help deal with that trauma. It would be interesting to find out how many straight/non-queer guys are into having their heads shaved or wearing sports clothes - fetishes that are connected to forced masculinisation. From the research I've done it seems that the majority of straight guys that are into head shaving are into the dominant version of the fetish - shaving women's heads. Whereas it is the inverse for the gay community. But I've also spoken to a couple of trans-men who are into head shaving too, so it can't be entirely to do with trauma from forced masculinity. 

To some degree I see these theories about confidence and dealing with trauma as just me trying to rationalise doing something that turns me on. There quickly comes a point with acting on a fetish when you're not exploring new psychological territory, you're just getting off on it. There's nothing wrong with that. But it's hard to have the perspective to decide how much you want to act on your fetish. The same biological forces that are evolutionarily designed to get people to procreate and prolong the species are encouraging me to shave my head. Before I've cum I desperately want to shave my head and keep it that way, and afterwards I want long hair. This conflict for me really demonstrates the idea that there is no definitive fixed self. And it's difficult to know which self to go with. The post-cumming self seems more 'me,' but the pre-cumming self occupies my mind more of the time and has a stronger pull on my desires. Except when I've experimented with things that have altered my hormone levels such as hair loss drugs and evening primrose oil.

When I was feeling over-whelmed by my fetishes one day, I kept a diary of how much I wanted to wear chav clothes before and after I'd cum. I found it took about three hours for the desire to return and then the second time it took much much longer. I think just the fact of recording it gave me some rationality about it.

Sometimes younger guys who haven't acted on their head shave fetish write to me asking whether they should shave their head. I say, yeah, if you have a really strong desire for it, you should try it at least once. I think we're lucky in the sense that our fetish is not something anti-social or dangerous, and possibly unlucky in that the results last so long. But having an impulse to take on an image that is different to the way you are normally perceived also has this interesting shapeshifter quality. I read recently in a book on chaos magic the idea that taking on other identities and beliefs can have consciousness expanding effect.

I kind of wish I'd fully acted on my fetish early on. I shaved my head bald once when I was 21, but hid it under a hat for two months. Now, I wonder how liberating it would've been without the hat. Whether it would've undone something inside me that attached confidence to my hair. If it would've helped me with some inner battle with the masculinity expected of me as a child. Or if I'd just be continuing to act that forced masculinity upon myself. I wonder now if acting on my fetish would help me deal with hair-loss and aging, or if it would just be a turn on. I say just a turn on, because it's great to have an exstatic sexual experience. But it doesn't have the depth for me, that it's what I want to fill my whole life with. Though I would feel I was cheating myself of something if I didn't fully act on my fetish while I'm still young-ish with a full head of hair.

Tell me your thoughts below ...

Headshave Interview : Ro Slave

Ash: When did you first start getting the urge to shave your head?

Ro Slave: When I was a teenager, I always got really horny when I saw bald guys. I wanted to be like them and always have my hair really short. But I was scared of the reactions in school.

Ash: How did you have your hair as a kid?

Ro Slave: My father always cut it and chose my hair style. Always the same, #2 back and sides, he cut the top with scissors up until I was 12 or 13 years old. But he wasn’t strict, no punishment haircuts or anything.

Ash: Did you ever want to grow it longer?

Ro Slave: No, I never wanted long hair, I always wanted it short.

Ash: When was the first time you shaved it totally bald?

Ro Slave: I went totally smooth for the first time at the end of 2017. I was twenty-five. I really loved the experience. It was after a session with a dom, he buzzed my hair with a number 0 clipper. I razor shaved it myself afterwards.

Ash: Why did you wait till you were 25 to shave it bald?

Ro Slave: I didn’t have the courage to do it before. I had a boyfriend who was my master, but he never shaved me bald, he just buzzed it. He didn’t have a haircut fetish he just liked the humiliation of it.

Ash: How was it – being bald for the first time?

Ro Slave: Amazing, I really love it. I feel like I was born to be bald. The sensation is amazing. I feel so hot and submissive. I jerk off rubbing my hand over my smooth head and brows.

Ash: What do you think is so submissive about have a shaved head?

Ro Slave: Feeling like you don’t have the right to have any hair. The dehumanization

Ash: You shaved your eyebrows too.

Ro Slave: For me that’s even more submissive. I love being ordered to shave my brows and head. It’s better if someone shaves me, but I haven’t found any people here in Brazil that want to do that, so I obey masters online.

Ash: How did your friends and family react to your shaved head and shaved brows?

Ro Slave: Most people find it weird, but they don't criticize me. I wear glasses, so most people don’t notice when I have no eyebrows. But even if they do I don’t care, I like the humiliation

Ash: How masculine are you?

Ro Slave: I consider myself masculine, and I love a masculine aesthetic. A shaved head is both masculine and submissive to me. 

Ash: How macho and masculine are guys in Brazil?

Ro Slave: There is a very strong masculine culture here. I like small elements of it like the barbershops, but it can also be toxic and chauvinistic.

Ash: Have you ever done drag?

Ro: Yes. I love Rupaul’s Drag Race. My favourite queen is Bianca Del Rio.

Ash: Would you like to live permanently as a shaved slave?

Ro Slave: This is my dream, to be someone’s 24/7 live in slave boy. He won’t give me permission to have any hair, and he’ll shave my head and brows all the time. My ultimate fantasy is to eventually have it all lasered off. Being unable to grow hair anymore would be the ultimate submission for me.

Ash: What does being a slave mean to you?

Ro Slave: To have all aspects of your life under control. Mainly appearance and hair.

Ash: What if a master wanted you to grow your hair really long?

Ro Slave: No, I wouldn’t like that!

Ash: Tell me about the first time you had really submissive sex.

Ro Slave: It was an old guy that I met online. We went to a motel and he got me to do pup play. He tied me up and gagged me with my underwear and fucked me. I loved the experience. I felt realized.

Ash: You seem very happy to talk about and share photos of your fetish.

Ro Slave: I’m an exhibitionist, I love exposing myself in that way. Sharing photos of myself being submissive and bald turns me on.

Ash: Have you always been so open about your fetishes?

Ro Slave: No, it came with maturity. In the beginning it was hard to share them.

Ash: Do you ever feel like your fetish is an addiction? 

Ro Slave: I think about it all the time and spend a good part of my free time watching and enjoying the fetish stuff. I feel I need it, but at the same time, I want to be happy and being a bald slave is what makes me happy. 

Headshave Interview : Waxing, Epilating, and Shaving

RS has at different times waxed his entire head, epilated it to resemble male pattern baldness, and shaved off his eyebrows. I really wanted to interview him to find out about this more extreme side of head shave fetishes.

Ash: How much of your hairstyle is natural balding and how much did you remove yourself?

RS:  I’d say it’s 10% natural balding and 90% removal.

Ash: Have you always been into MPB or did it start off as an interest in shaving?

RS: Growing up, I was always apprehensive about having short hair. I didn’t try a buzzcut until my freshman year in college. Then, within a month of trying it, I had gone from a #4 to a #1. The following summer is when “the guard fell off” for the first time. Soon after that, I was keeping my head bic’ed smooth. I’m fairly new at enjoying MPB. I think I like the sense of committing to the look.

Ash: I always had this conflict that I was turned on by the idea of shaving my head but I also wanted long- ish hair. Did you have any of that?

RS: Right up until college, I was never really satisfied with my hairstyle; it was kinda “just there”. So, I didn’t really have the feeling that I was losing something when I buzzed it. In fact, I enjoyed the elevated sense of style. I was a bit self-conscious when I took it down to the skin. I think going from 6mm to skin was as big a change for me as long hair to a buzzcut. But at this point, most of my family and friends say they wouldn’t even recognize me with hair. I’ve been feeling the same about my MPB by choice, since my family and co-workers aren’t used to that yet. I love the attention it gets and as a submissive, I especially enjoy some light teasing for it. However, my family and co-workers pointing it out is uncomfortable. For them it’s a casual observation, but to me, they’re unknowingly discussing my fetishes.

Ash: When did you start getting into the idea of simulating late stage male pattern baldness?

RS: I started getting into it within the last year or so. I stumbled upon a few blogs and discussions about mpb, and grew a liking for it. Having the shadow or stubble looks mature, it seems more permanent than just shaving by choice, and it keeps me from slacking off on the shaving unless I’m in the mood to show off how bald I really am now.

Ash: This thing about showing it off is really interesting. It's like self-humiliation, being a sub without needing a dom.

RS: Totally! I’ve been making it a point to take my hat off whenever I’m in public doing errands, just to get that satisfaction. When I shaved my eyebrows off, I found the attention a bit overwhelming, but MPB garners just the right amount of attention and humiliation for me.

Ash: How did you start pulling it out? How painful was it?

RS: I’ve had good luck with waxing and with using an electric epilator. The first couple of time, it was definitely painful. I would work on a section and then have to take a break. The hair is weaker now, so tweezing and waxing hurts far less. Maintaining the look is no longer painful and was well worth the tough start. 

Ash: Did you have much worry about making a change that could be fairly permanent? Or was that the exciting thing about it?

RS: Both, but the excitement outweighed the worry. Glad I went for it, and I have no regrets. 

Ash: Does it bother you at all that MPB is not conventionally attractive?

RS: It sucks that it’s viewed that way by a lot of people, but it doesn’t really bother me that much. If I decide I’d like to be more conventionally attractive, I can always revert to shaving daily. One perk of being in my 30’s now is that I should start seeing other guys my age start reaching for the razor because they’re going bald naturally. I’m looking forward to that. I’ve been embracing this fetish for long enough now, where I actually find guys with long shaggy hair less attractive. The shorter, the better. I would love to see more guys show off their skull.

Ash: One thing I've been trying to work out through my blog is how much I should act on my fetishes. How important are your fetishes in your life?

RS: They do hold a pretty significant role. The shaving fetish is my favorite. But it’s incorporated into my lifestyle already, so it’s not something I think about frequently. It's a fetish that is acceptable to let take over your life. It’s not destructive, or inhibiting to any other part of your life. Example: I’d wear a shirt in public that says “I’m bald”. I would NOT wear a shirt that says “I love watersports”.

Ash: I wonder if I think about it more because I'm not bald at the moment!

RS: It’s very possible that you’re thinking more about it since you want it and don’t have it. If family and friends are what’s holding you back, I’d advise slowly and steadily going shorter and shorter. Buzzcut, then high and tight, and then bald from there. When you’re asked about it, just confidently say “I love it, I’m thinking of going even shorter.” You’ll get their awkward feedback out of the way before you even turn on those clippers. If you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs people struggle with this because shaving your head for fetish enjoyment is an esteem need, not feeling negative feedback from family and friends is a belonging/love need. Lower pieces weigh on us more than upper pieces. I think this is why somebody could go forever without indulging in the shave.

 

Ash: I guess I've always thought of my fetish stuff as something that I should enjoy but not let rule me. Gender wise I'm verging on non-binary and when I've shaved my head sometimes I don't feel like myself. I have a theory that my fetish is what my brain did with the fact I didn't like having my hair cut short as a child.

RS: Well, I also didn’t like short haircuts growing up. I can still remember two times when I was school-aged where my parents had it cut down to an inch and it was super embarrassing.

Ash: I really want to ask about the eyebrow shaving. How was that?

RS: I like it for humiliation during a scene, but they grow back so slow! If you think explaining a bald head is hard. Try to covering up eyebrows for several weeks while they regrow. It’s a “forbidden fruit” because it re-balances the scale between kink and everyday life. Highly recommended for a Covid quarantine though; it’s super erotic!

Ash: Did the quarantine help you at all in giving yourself MPB?

RS: I would have done it anyways. I did use my quarantine to ditch the brows and even eyelashes. They’ve grown back, and I’d love to shave them again, but I’m happier the way I look with brows and a shiny bald spot for a haircut. 

Ash: I've noticed some people that are into having their heads shaved are kind of autosexual.

RS: When I first went really short, that was definitely a thing. I could reach climax without thinking about anything but my bald head. Nowadays, not so much. If I am watching porn and jacking off, I will sometimes rub my head and it still enhances the experience.

Ash: Do you think it'll grow back?

RS: Probably not. I have been working on the MPB enough, where I think some of it will stick, but some will definitely regrow. I thought about it a lot before I started, so even though it’s a commitment with upkeep, I’ll happily keep plucking away.

Ash: Do you think your shaving and baldness fetish has got any new areas to explore?

RS: I have waxed the entire head once or twice but the fringe grew back entirely the same. I think my plan is too eventually have laser hair removal for MPB, and then down the road get the entire head done. Both MPB and a clean skull are very appealing to me.

Head Shave Interview : Will

Will has an Instagram account at https://www.instagram.com/baldfeeling/ where he posts photos of his life with a shaved head and has a video of him shaving his head for sale.

Ash - When did you first start getting the urge to shave your head?

Will - I was 14 or 15 and I had long Justin Bieber bangs that I really loved. I don't know why but inside of me I deeply wanted to shave it all off and rock this amazing, bad ass bald look. One Sunday morning I was in the bathroom and it was like the clippers were calling me! I turned them on and started buzzing my hair with the 9mm guard! I didn't go bald the first time I was too scared about the result and about my parent's reaction. It was a big mess, there was hair all over the floor. I didn't really know how to buzz hair properly, so I forgot a lot of hair around my ears. But I was very happy about it. When my parents saw, they were not happy, and I immediately started to cry. My dad finished the job and I was so satisfied with the result.

Ash - It sounds like you didn't regret it at all.

Will - I didn't. It's just hair, it grows back. I let it grow back until I was 18.

Ash - Was that the first time you went completely bald?

Will – No, the first time I went completely bald was almost 3 years ago, when I was 20. The hair salon where I was working asked if I wanted to be model for a training. They dyed my hair blue, it was horrible. So, two weeks later I decided to buzz it all. I went shorter and shorter each time and in February 2018 I felt it was the right time to go bald. I was determined, I wanted it in the deepest part of me! I decided I would shave it all during my week off. The week before I went to the grocery store, I bought razor, blades, shaving cream, after shave. Every night I watched head shave videos on Youtube to learn how to do it perfectly. Then the day came: March 5^th. I woke up at 5 am, I couldn't sleep anymore. I waited for my boyfriend to leave the house. I wanted to be alone for this first bald experience. When he left, I ran into the bathroom and took all my newest toys out of the cupboard. I was so excited. Before shaving, I buzzed it from about 1cm almost to the skin. I will always remember the feeling of the shaving cream on my head, it was cold but felt good. Then the feel of the razor on my head - I can't describe it, it was so amazing. It was like the 4th of July on my whole body. I was finally doing it for the first time. It was better than I could’ve imagined! When I finished, I was so shocked at the feeling of my shaved head under my fingers, it was super smooth. My head looked so pure and so shiny! I was in love with the result. One of the first things I did was go outside, I wanted to show it to the world. It was a rainy day and the feeling of the rain on my head and the fresh wind was great. It was like being reborn, I felt liberated of something! It's definitely one of the best decisions I’ve made.

 

Ash - Your description of it is amazing! It sounds like you'd rather do it yourself than get your boyfriend to do it.

Will - Yes, I preferred doing it alone, the way I wanted to do it. He didn't notice it immediately. Then he said the touch was weird bit it was "okay," he didn't really care.

Ash - Is it a turn on for you?

Will – It’s pretty hot! I think most people have a special feeling about hair cutting/shaving/buzzing. Well, I guess it’s stronger for some than for others. But for me it’s definitely more about the look itself.

Ash - I always have this conflict, I feel more myself with the Justin Bieber hair than with a shaved head. Did you have any of that conflict?

Will - I understand why that might be hard. But there are so many feminine guys with Shaved heads. It gives a good contrast in my opinion.

Ash - That's one of the reasons I really wanted to talk to you because you seem to have a feminine side, but you also seem really comfortable with a shaved head.

Will – You’re totally right. I feel like a man, but I have this other cute part, and a bit of a feminine side. The bald look helps me to not be too over cute, too glittery. It's the perfect contrast

Ash - I liked the thing that you said on your Instagram feed about some people saying you looked better with hair, and you not caring, just enjoying how you want to look.

Will – I think the most important thing is to love yourself first, and not care too much about the rest.

Ash - What were your early experience with haircuts?

Will - I wanted long hair but my parents always buzzed it. As long as I remember I have always been into hair.  I always tried to cut my own hair as a kid. That’s probably the reason why I'm hairdresser now.

Ash - I see from your Instagram that you've done a few things with your hair - grown it out a bit, dyed it pink, had a mohawk.

Will - I like to have fun with it. But bald will always and forever be my favourite look. I have always thought bald guys are sexy and bad-ass. I think it’s especially hot when guys do it by choice.

Ash - There's this thing I've noticed in quite a few guys that are into head shaving, that we have this shape-shifting image-changing quality.

Will - Yes exactly it's always fun to go from one style to another and repeatedly change our image.
I think hair or not that’s important. But I think my shaved head is kind of a permanent accessory now.

 

Ash : My Head Shaving Story

 

When I was a teenager there was a moment the urge to shave my head got so strong, I got some scissors and cut my fringe off. I pretended to my parents it was an accident so I could go to the barber. 

“How long is a number zero,” I asked the barber.

“Nothing, no hair,” he said.

That was what I wanted. But I ended up with a no.2 I think he was worried about my parents coming in there asking why he’d shaved all their son’s hair off. Still the buzzcut was exciting to me.

Most of my childhood I had short haircuts. I wanted long hair like Tommy from “3^rd Rock from the sun” or like Hanson, hair that expressed the feminine boy that I was, but I didn’t feel I could say that. My brain seems to have turned this mild trauma into the thing that most turns me on

The first time I ever came, I went to the same barber and got a number zero on the back and sides. As soon as I got home, I got my dick out and ejaculated without even wanking. I was really shocked. I hadn’t realised that’s what masturbation was. I felt kind of dirty and exhilerated looking at the cum that had just shout out of my penis onto my bed.

I tried wanking over pictures of guys I thought were cute but it didn’t work. I had to look at head shave transformations on the internet to cum. I would go through this cycle of getting really obsessed with head-shaving, collecting lots of pictures, then deleting them all to try and stop myself.

I was turned on by clothing transformations too. There are photos of me when I was little, crying because I was put in a polo shirt. Now if I’m put in a polo shirt, I get an erection. I would go to clothes shops and get turned on by trying on clothes I would never normally wear.

At university, I got obsessed with this picture of a guy with short bleached hair. So obsessed, I couldn’t rest till I got that haircut. Then I wanked looking at the change in the mirror. 

In third year, I had brown emo hair. After trying to give myself a haircut one night I just started cutting it all off till it was really short. Then I went into the bathroom and put shaving foam on my head and shaved it without even using clippers. Having no hair felt so weird and different. I ended up wearing a hat for two months I didn’t have the confidence to go out looking so different from the way I normally do.

I regret wearing the hat. I wonder if keeping my head bald for a while would’ve helped me process something, helped me balance some internal conflict. I wonder if it would’ve given me a new confidence, in my appearance, or in spite of my appearance. Or was it just a sexual compulsion to do something that was against my androgynous nature.

I had emo hair for the next few years which I bleached. It made me feel cute and twinky. Then I moved to Germany and started messaging guys on fetish websites who were into head shaving. I almost met up with one, who wanted to tie me up and shave my head. Talking to them made me so obsessed I just ended up doing it myself. I buzzed it down shorter and shorter, filming the whole thing, in the end not using a guard. It looked good, but after I’d cum I didn’t feel like myself.

I felt this need for secrecy around my fetish, like talking about it would mean somebody could use it against me. Then I joined a group of gay hippies who had sharing circles. It was really empowering to finally talk about it and good to see it wasn’t that big of a deal to others. I’d never even told a boyfriend before. In my next relationship my boyfriend tied me up and cut my blonde hair off. We went to a barber and I got a cut from a picture he had chosen. I bought chav clothes and dressed up in them and had sex with him. It was a sexually liberating relationship. When it was over, I got my hair cut really short. It made me so horny that I accidentally had sex with my ex five times in one day while dressed as a chav! 

Last summer my current boyfriend buzzed all my blonde hair off with a number one. I was tied up on a chair in front of a mirror. Now I feel like we should've gone all the way, but he isn’t totally into bald guys. I started growing my hair back straight away, I had this feeling like I had betrayed my feminine side. It started a journey of talking to people, trying to understand my gender and my fetish.

My fetish associates shaved heads with masculinity. It feels submissive and exciting to be forced to be masculine when that is not really me. I was turned on by the transformation of dying my hair pink, a look I'm much more comfortable with. But having my head shaved bald is still my ultimate fantasy.

I’ve thought about starting a Gofundme when the self-isolation is over. When it gets to a certain amount, I’d film myself getting tied up and having my mid length hair shaved bald. I’d keep it razor shaved every day for at least a month and only wear sports clothes. I’d send videos and photos of the whole experience to the people who donated. I’ve started really admiring this shapeshifting quality in people who fetishize transformations. I want to document how it feels to do such an extreme transformation, see if it helps me overcome any inner demons, and see at the end of the month if I like it and want to stay bald.