Deeply ingrained fetishes do seem to have a strong link to trauma and acting on them could help deal with that trauma. It would be interesting to find out how many straight/non-queer guys are into having their heads shaved or wearing sports clothes - fetishes that are connected to forced masculinisation. From the research I've done it seems that the majority of straight guys that are into head shaving are into the dominant version of the fetish - shaving women's heads. Whereas it is the inverse for the gay community. But I've also spoken to a couple of trans-men who are into head shaving too, so it can't be entirely to do with trauma from forced masculinity.
To some degree I see these theories about confidence and dealing with trauma as just me trying to rationalise doing something that turns me on. There quickly comes a point with acting on a fetish when you're not exploring new psychological territory, you're just getting off on it. There's nothing wrong with that. But it's hard to have the perspective to decide how much you want to act on your fetish. The same biological forces that are evolutionarily designed to get people to procreate and prolong the species are encouraging me to shave my head. Before I've cum I desperately want to shave my head and keep it that way, and afterwards I want long hair. This conflict for me really demonstrates the idea that there is no definitive fixed self. And it's difficult to know which self to go with. The post-cumming self seems more 'me,' but the pre-cumming self occupies my mind more of the time and has a stronger pull on my desires. Except when I've experimented with things that have altered my hormone levels such as hair loss drugs and evening primrose oil.
When I was feeling over-whelmed by my fetishes one day, I kept a diary of how much I wanted to wear chav clothes before and after I'd cum. I found it took about three hours for the desire to return and then the second time it took much much longer. I think just the fact of recording it gave me some rationality about it.
Sometimes younger guys who haven't acted on their head shave fetish write to me asking whether they should shave their head. I say, yeah, if you have a really strong desire for it, you should try it at least once. I think we're lucky in the sense that our fetish is not something anti-social or dangerous, and possibly unlucky in that the results last so long. But having an impulse to take on an image that is different to the way you are normally perceived also has this interesting shapeshifter quality. I read recently in a book on chaos magic the idea that taking on other identities and beliefs can have consciousness expanding effect.
Tell me your thoughts below ...
I went through similar feelings myself. I would have a long build up of desire, then follow through of the shave, then I would feel regret and strangeness wishing my hair was more like other guys hair so I could get the social benefits of hair, acceptance and desire in other people's (other men & family) eyes. I carried on like this for a long time and there were periods where I did not shave my head at all and that was dissatisfactory and unfulfilling too, denying part of my sexuality and presentation. What solved it for me was two things. One was always keeping my hair buzzed very short, not shaved. This was a happy medium that got everyone including me, used to me being permanently without hair. But without the ups and downs of shave and grow back cycling. But the final thing that really fixed it was going MPB by choice. I epilated bit by bit, and as I kept it always buzzed, it was hard to tell if the barber had cut it shorter or it was missing. I have a number of male cousins, who all are MPB by nature at a young age, as luck would have it, it skipped me. But when I started to epilate, I fit in more with them. When I had got a lot of the top of the head bare of hair more or less permanently, one of my cousins rubbed my head and said "you're one of us now". I still have trouble with the back of the head growing back, but most of the world accepts me as an MPB guy who doesn't wear hats and keeps it all buzzed short. There are times I am tempted to shave my head again but I spend my time and energy on keeping and expanding the MPB, bald and happy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that - great story. 😀
DeleteAsh,
ReplyDeleteDon't worry so much about your shaving fetish or even try to figure why you love to shave so much. It is a pretty harmless interest and worth enjoying without any guilt or fear of being different.
I'm naturally analytical about everything so to not try to understand a major aspect of myself better - I wouldn't be being myself. I've enjoyed and been conflicted with this part of myself long enough that I'm not worried about it - more wondering how meaningful it is. I like both what it says above the Oracle at Delphi 'know thyself,' and what frankenfurter says at the end of Rocky Horror, 'Don't dream it, be it. '
DeleteEvery Action has three temporal phases:
ReplyDelete- Desire
- Fulfillment
- Regret.
The phases are usually not equal in length of time.
Depending on the action , the desire or the regret may not be noticed at all. We eat foot when we are hungry, and unless the food is prepared badly or we over eat we usually do not have regret after eating.
Our actions have consequences. Depending on the consequence, we may not experience regret or the regret may be large and long lasting.
If you are having a lot of regret after you shave your head, examine why are you feeling this regret. Is the regret coming from you and your feelings and desires, or is the regret motivated by the desire to please other people, like friends and family?
Where does your desire from head shaving come from? Is it completely sexual, or is there another component to it? Is shaving and dressing in a certain style motivated by a need for humiliation, or to appear sexy and cool, or a want to fit in with a desired group?
Parsing out your feelings in this way and understanding your motivations may not change your actions, but if you understand where motivations come from within you, they can be less overwhelming and confusing.
When you act and behave with comfort with your feelings and desires, there is less dissonance, pain and regret for your actions.
Having a fetish for getting your head shaved is not that unique and certainly does not put you in danger of harm. Overspending is something that can harm you and put your future in jeopardy. That is something to work on and try to control.
Never put your entire being down for one aspect of your self/behavior. You can be unhappy with an aspect of your life and wish to handle it better, and decide to work on it. But do not put your entire self down for one part of you.
Use a thought pattern like "I am not comfortable with this (whatever the behavior is) behavior. I need to work on it, but I am a whole person worthy of love and respect." Things will work themselves out best when you thing and feel that way.
I wish you the best. This shaved bald guy would like to think you would stay bald. You look great and your blog and Tumblr are top rate. But follow your own heart and mind.
Thanks for the long reply - and enjoying my blog and Tumblr 🙂. I feel like I'm at a place where I accept and I understand my fetish better than I ever have. The blog is kind of a continued analysis of it that I wanted to be able to share with others in the same position. My conflict with it comes from the way my fetish wants me to present myself and the way the rest of me wants to present myself - but at the moment that's more an interesting project than anxiety inducing for me.
DeleteHi Ash,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say thank you for writing your story and doing all the interviews on the interest in head shaving. It is interesting that this fetish crosses many cultural groups. From the Male Short Cuts site to the Haircut Story Site, I have seen and read stories of this interest across the world (Western, Asian, East Indian etc). I can relate to many of the stories and experiences as a gay man. I don’t know if it is possible to find out why we have this fetish or how we developed this interest. I think that the common themes are attraction to hyper masculinity presented by very short haircuts and shaved heads, trauma during childhood to be forced to have short haircuts (even though it was not really the case for me), and the societal pressure to be a man. I have also heard that certain traumatic events in childhood can lead to sexualized fetishes, and the sensations of pain and sexual pleasure are close together in our brain that can cause us to seek “painful” experiences to achieve heightened sexual pleasure. Maybe it is also the nature’s way to diversify our interests (i.e. some people like short hair or shaved heads, and some like long hair) so that everyone can find their love. These are just my observations and they are not scientific at all.
I am not a masculine gay man. I am relatively thin and of Asian descent. I love very short haircuts on men because I find it so masculine and attractive. I have worn a crewcut or flattop for years. That said, I have always wanted to shave my head bald. I did this a few times on vacation but I finally have the courage to shave my head bald every day starting in late 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic. Having an easy-to-use electric head shaver helps as well. I am saving time and money in addition to fulfilling this desire. Currently I have no plan to grow my hair back, and I want to keep my shaved bald head as my main haircut. I know that my family and my partner prefer me with a neat, more regular short haircut, but this time they did not object and let me make my own decision, in contrast to the first few times I shaved my head when I was young!